ASX Education: The Shorter Marcus Today Stock Market Dictionary

This is an oldie but a goodie. Here are a few extracts from The Shorter Oxford Share Market Dictionary. Keep by your side at all times.

Research speak

• BUY – It’s a large listed stock.
• HOLD – It’s a SELL and we’re not about to ruin years of relationship building between the analyst and the company and the corporate department and the company by saying sell.
• SELL – They're doing their corporate deal through another broker.
• We are moving from BUY to HOLD – SELL
• We are moving from HOLD to UNDERPERFORM – SELL
• UNDERWEIGHT – SELL
• Overweight/Underweight/Outperform/Underperform – This research is for an institutional client base so take no notice of it.
• Oversold – They’re a terrible company but we’re their broker.
• Overbought – We said sell it and it kept going up. Sorry.
• High risk buy – We are not responsible for your losses when you buy this crappy corporate client on our recommendation.
• BUY (on a small company from a big broker) – We are about to do a capital raising.  
• Conviction BUY – Same as a ‘BUY’ but we’re a small broker that no-one takes any notice of trying to get noticed.
• Crowded Trade – Something an international arbitrage trader once said which sounded clever so we now use to make us sound like international arbitrage traders although all we’re just a small domestic broking desk.

Broker speak

• Hi, we haven’t spoken in ages – Damn, I hit an old speed dial number.
• I’ll call you – Don’t call me.
• I’ll call you – This is possibly the last communication we will ever have.
• I’ll call you right back – Sounds like you might deal, I will call you right back.
• I'll monitor that – I've already forgotten it whatever it was.
• Time to take profits – I haven’t dealt yet today and am on a commission target.
• You’ll never go wrong taking a profit – I'm an idiot looking for an easy order.
• He’s a great analyst – His last recommendation went up.
• I told you to buy it – It was a good idea but I wasn’t good enough to persuade you it was.
• It’ll be alright in the long term – It was a terrible recommendation in the short term.
• The market is quiet – I have no idea what’s going on.
• The management lied to us – It wasn’t our fault we got it wrong.
• Buy at the bottom and sell at the top – I have no financial training.
• What a great recommendation – We completely fluked that one.
• Can I put you on to one of my colleagues – You sound like a right P in the A.
• If you never sell you never make a loss – I am a complete idiot.

Client speak

• I’ve never traded options before but I need to deal today – I’ve got some inside information.
• Thought I’d ring – You haven’t called me in three years despite me paying you a retainer.
• I’ll pick up the cheque from reception – I’ve given you a false address.
• Don’t tell anyone – Shout it from the roof tops so my stock goes up.
• I do things the Warrren Buffet way – I don’t know anything about the stockmarket.
• What’s hot – I’m a two bit punter.
• I’m an experienced trader – I’ve been trading online for 6 months now.
• What are your commission rates – I’m dealing online and losing. 
• I’m a big trader – I’m cheap and trying to get a discounted brokerage rate.
• My Dad’s very wealthy – I have $3,000 but want to trade in $100,000.
• I’m looking for a broker – I’m a serial settlement risk, just ask my last three brokers.
• My email address is XYZ@hotmail.com – I like anonymity and am not prepared to pay for anything. Don’t let me deal without money in the bank.

Company speak

• We have had an independent valuation done – We have paid someone to tell you our company could be worth 30% more than the current offer if you use wild assumptions.
• The independent expert says the offer is fair and reasonable – The directors’ options will be worth a fortune if this deal goes through. 
• We have extended our bid – We’re clearly not paying enough yet.
• We have done a private placement – We have just given a load of discounted stock to our mates.
• Unseasonal weather patterns have impacted first half profit – we have no excuse.
• We have initiated a thorough strategic review and appointed XYZ consulting…we're F'd.
• The balance of the proceeds will be used for working capital purposes – Aston Martin have just launched the new DB10.

Please feel free to email me your additions and I'll pop them up here.